TH Thranduil's Confusion
by VioletVision
Summary: AU Ship - Slightly a Crack Fic: Thranduil leads Thorin out of a set of an adult movie spoof of The Hobbit and into the night. This is a little crazy and just for fun.


**Title: TH Thranduil's Confusion**

**Chapter 1: Strange**

**Spoiler Alert: **The Hobbit (books, maps and movies)

**Warnings: **Language, Sexual Situations, AU, Violence

**Summary:** AU Ship: Thranduil is confused by finding himself in a fake Mirkwood, and leads Thorin out of a set of an adult movie spoof of The Hobbit and into the night. This is a little crazy and just for fun.

Thranduil dusted himself off wondering how far he fell. Lights flashed almost blinding his sensitive Elvish eyes.

"Dude you're overdressed for his scene."

Thranduil turned to the sound. Several people were standing in a half circle with metallic boxes that had strange glowing runes on them. "What did you call me?"

"Did someone change the script? He's supposed to be naked under the robe and then he puts Thorin in the cage. Who gave him pants?" A dark haired woman shouted, "I like the boots. OK, Thrandykins lose the pants, but keep the boots and robe."

Thranduil reached to his side feeling that his sword was gone. He didn't dare take his hands off the humans as he ran his hands over his possessions and clothing feeling to be sure everything else was there.

The woman stepped forward shaking her head, "Shit. Did someone give you Ecstasy?"

Thranduil turned seeing a redhead in a tiny green outfit; she strangely resembled Tauriel. His Elvish eyes quickly ascertained that she was no Elf. He pondered why she just asked him if someone was pleasuring him. He shook his head having no idea where he was and who these humans were.

"Hey, I'm ThranDrill. Who's this guy?"

Thranduil turned to see a man dressed to resemble him with fake Elvish ears was being sucked on by a large breasted blond.

The blond released him and turned for Thranduil. "He's ready to go, so how about you sweetheart? Need some help?" She grabbed the front of his pants and stared undoing them.

"Unhand me." Thranduil pushed her hands aside and stepped back believing them to all be demented.

The blond raised her eyebrows. "Sorry, didn't realize I'm not your type." She raised her voice. "He needs some guy fluffing."

Thranduil had no idea what that was, but he knew it could not be good.

A hand grabbed his wrist followed by the sound of a deep male's voice, "Come with me."

"I am not coming with anyone." Thranduil jerked his arm then noticed who it was.

"It's alright. He's just on the wrong set." The dark haired man nodded at the others in the room to which they nodded back seeming to understand.

Thranduil followed the man, "Where are we?"

"Fuck if I know."

"What does wrong set mean?" Thranduil continued walling down corridors and rooms that held strange items he had never seen before.

"Don't know. I had these three brunets dressed in little white skirts with hats all over me, and I was trying to get away. This man walked up and said I was on the wrong set. They let me go."

Thranduil shook his head. "This is the strangest occurrence of my existence. And Thorin, how did you get so tall? You come to my shoulders."

"They gave me something to drink. Must have been water from Fangorn mixed with Ent-draught." Thorin glanced over Thranduil's clothing. "You need to change."

"I will not."

"I've been outside once and everyone is dressed like I am. Loose the crown and change into these. You need to blend in." Thorin passed a rack with clothing and picked out a pair of jeans and button up shirt.

Thranduil seethed thinking of putting on the rough fabrics, "What idiocy is this? I shall return to my kingdom and forget about your insolence."

Thranduil pushed past Thorin and followed a short woman out a door into the night.

Thorin followed still carrying the clothing.

Thranduil gaped at the monstrosities and rose before him and glided around. "What wizardry is this?"

"I watched a seeing fountain on the wall, and they were selling them. Called them glide vehicles." Thorin watched the short woman that preceded them out of the building. She raised her hand and one of the vehicles landed, and she climbed inside. She spoke briefly and it rose into the air merging into a line of similar vehicles.

Thranduil was speechless as he watched all the happenings around him. Eventually, he peered up at the night sky and didn't recognize any of the star formations. "I have traveled Middle Earth over countless times, but I have never beheld these stars."

Thranduil scrutinized Thorin's face, "You are the only familiar thing to me in this place of madness. This is why you stayed near me."

"No shit." Thorin pulled a wallet out of his pocket. "They use these cards to barter with. We should be able to use one of these to pay the vehicles to take us to a tavern."

"How do you know these things?"

"I told you. I've been watching their seeing fountain ever since they released me from the bed with the brunets. I thought I was alone and started gathering information."

"That may be as you say, but you are so familiar with this place I wonder if you have been here before or if you used sorcery to being me here." Thranduil contemplated different options.

Thorin huffed out air. "No. I'm just use to being tossed out in the cold and having to adapt."

Thranduil remembered how Thorin's mountain was taken by Smaug, and he left with his people finding their way in Middle Earth. "Very well."

"I watched an advertisement of a place called The Sherry-Netherland Hotel. It has five stars, which is apparently a lot and overlooks a place called Central Park." Thorin pulled something out of his pocket and attached it to his wrist and tapped it causin halo screen to pop up. "A man from a place called police academy that works here as a guard showed me how this wizard vambrace works." He moved his eyes up and down squinting at the items he wanted to select then typed in the number from one of the credit cards he stole. "There. We have rooms with interconnecting doors. Whoever owns this barter chip must be important because a room became available when I entered his name and chip number."

Thranduil watched in amazement that Throin could use the wizardry, "What is his name?"

"John Trump. I asked around, and he is the grandson of a man named Donald. I saw him going into a room with several ladies and was informed he will not be disturbed for a few days. Something about an activity called a coke and bunny binge."

"No matter, let us venture to this Sherry you speak of." Thranduil flung back his long blond hair and nodded.

Thirty minutes later they walked across a foyer decorated in marble with a ceiling covered with murals.

Thranduil stared down the humans that gawked at his crown and silver clothing till he saw someone else he recognized.

A/N: Totally random and bazaar. This is fun.


End file.
